Wednesday, December 7, 2016

They just don't give up

Working from home recently I took one of those pesky telephone calls. 

The caller sounded like they were in a crowded working environment with little sound insulation.  They insisted that malware had downloaded onto my computer.  The caller was eager to assist me in removing the malware. She identified herself as a representative of my Internet Service Provider - but did not name the provider.  The call was received over my landline and the operator required that I go to the computer so that she may talk me through a remedy process.

While I do not understand the full nature of the caller's game, there is irony in that in all likelihood she was endeavouring to produce harm (not remedy harm).

I've offered a paraphrased version of the later part of the call....

Caller: What is showing on your computer's screen now Sir?

Me: It is still booting.

Caller: Let me know when it has loaded.

Me: The login screen is showing.

Caller: Please login sir.


Caller: Have you now logged in Sir? What is showing on the screen?

Me: The games menu.

Caller: That is good sir, now could you please go to your internet settings.  I first need you to open your browser.

Me: What is an internet browser?

Caller: It is used when you search the internet Sir.

Me: I do not search the internet on this computer.

Caller: What do you use the computer for Sir?

Me: Retro-1980s computer games.  I wrote themselves in Fortran.  You should see the version of Space Invaders that I have!  We all gather around the computer with a few beers every Saturday afternoon and play two person games.  It is the best fun.  I hold the Galaga record.  I hope to beat Steve next week at Pacman.

Caller: But our records show that you access the internet.

Me: Exactly which Internet Service Provider are you ringing from?

Caller: If you could just open your Internet browser Sir?

Me: Goodbye, hangs up.


Note: all links good at 7 December 2016

Note: When you get a phone call like this, think of it in a positive light.  You are wealthy and blessed firstly to have a telephone.  You are wealthy and blessed to have a computer.  You are wealthy and blessed to have the knowledge to say no.

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