Review of a novel, 'Sound Mind Dead body' by Dave Warner – a collection of editing comments part 3

Sound Mind Dead Body was a novel that offered up some curious text. The curious text first arises in Chapter 1, page 14 (see part 2 of this blog) and then arises again in Chapter 2. Indeed, the first page of Chapter 2 includes:

•  The opening sentence with its personification of the sun: “The sun beat down out of the blue sky as if it had not a care in the world”
• The oddity of the sun being said to not have a care in the world when that is quite logical -  that it is suspended in space quite separate from the world,
• And, that opening sentence is long, assaulting the reader with too many nouns to digest: in turn: the sun, a woman, the lawn, Watkins the grocer, and the buiding’s name Harcrofts.

And then there is also:

• The positioning statement of the location of a beach as “only a couple of hundred yards” back over a character’s shoulder where the author had not first established where the character was standing.
•  And, a reference to a “usually private beach” where beaches tend to be considered private even where the occasional adventurer finds their way onto the beach. 

Opening sentences that are packed with many nouns can work. Some are marvellous (think for instance of the opening sentence of Chapter 1 of Pride and Prejudice). Yet, a reader will recognise a long opening sentence as gimmicky if it is not solid.

Shalom,

Ozhamada